


In the Dragon's Den

by Anonymonimus



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Anal Sex, Comedy, Fantasy, Human Smaug, M/M, Porn, Romantic Comedy, Rough Sex, Sex, Smutt, Smutty, alternative ending, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-04
Updated: 2013-10-09
Packaged: 2017-12-28 08:37:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/989975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymonimus/pseuds/Anonymonimus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo sneaks into Smaug's lair in the hopes of finding one of his weaknesses but ends up finding a curious and beautiful Elf-like creature that so happens to be completely naked... SMUTT</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Dragon's Den

**Author's Note:**

> **Now I'd like to state that I'm a bit drunk atm...**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **But that most of this was written when I was sobber...**
> 
>  
> 
> **I just had the intense urge to write something with Smaug (human/Elf version) fucking Bilbo**
> 
>  
> 
> **SO ENJOY!**

* * *

What most don't know about Dragons is that they are not truly the great lizard-like behemoths that spit out fire and reign terror upon villages neighboring their den. No, Dragons are, in fact, magical beings with shape-shifting abilities that initially resemble Men or Elves. However, their actual appearance is far less frightening and powerful than that of a fire-drake or an ice-drake and so it is the form they wear publicly. Unfortunately, it takes a massive amount of energy and magik to be able to maintain such a grandiose profile; and so, once any potential threat is at bay and a Dragon is sure that he or she is and will be in no harm for a considerable amount of time, they resume their true appearance and sleep.

Due to the extremely cautious nature of Dragons, very few have seem them in their Human or Elvish form and much less have ever lived to tell the tale for it is incredibly difficult to surprise a Dragon resting and much more so to resist its beauty. They are supposedly the fairest and most enchanting creatures alive, and none have been known to be able to best their swelling desire of grazing a touch while they slept. And seeing as Dragons are incredibly light sleepers, unless having been extraordinarily exhausted before entering their sort of hibernation, a faint ghost of a touch would suffice to startle it out of its slumber.

Smaug had been sleeping for nearly 60 years when a thrush insolently pecked at the mountain's wall. Upon his wake, he noticed that most of the magik and energy spent in conquering Erebor and destroying Dale had, relatively, been restored. He flexed his hand, testing his muscles, and used a basic teleportation spell as to appear quietly behind where the bird angrily pelted the mountain. It had seemed that the small creature had found a nut he wished to break as to eat its insides, and after a moment of quietly observing it with irritation, Smaug incinerated it with his fiery breath.

Everything was silent once more and seeing as nothing was preoccupying his mind, Smaug realized just how cold the world was outside of his den. It was clearly summer, though the warm season seemed to be ending and the villagers of Laketown would soon be counting their winter stock. Though he did feel tempted to terrorize them and ruin their chances of surviving the harsh conditions of winter, Smaug found he was far too tired and retreated to his home. Once in the toasty warmness of his domain, Smaug felt his actions become more laborious and settled on a nice pile of gold where he fell asleep once more.

* * *

When Bilbo stumbled upon the hidden entrance to Erebor, he couldn't express how terrified he felt. Though he had traveled long and far and bested so many trials, the fact that he had found the door signified his purpose was about to be legitimized. Once he would tell the others of his finding, he would be expected to climb into the abandoned which was actually inhabited by the worst calamity of his age: Smaug the Terrible.

Though the thought of simply lying about having found the entrance had crossed his mind, Bilbo had pushed it away. If the others - if Thorin ever found out he had lied to them, he would surely be a dead Hobbit. Besides, Bilbo also felt surely certain that if they missed their chance with opening the secret entrance, the Dwarves would think of some other plan to access the mountain. And so, though he loathed the inevitable outcome of what he would have to do, Bilbo silently left to inform the others.

"I found it." He said to Bofur and Bombur who were guarding their equipment for the others were still scouting the mountain.

"That's great news!" Bofur exclaimed quietly, "Have you told the other?"

Bilbo shook his head, "No, I can't find them."

"Oh, well that's not too bad." Bofur shrugged, "We'll get a head start moving our things at the entrance and when they come back, you can tell them the good news!"

Thus, they began the arduous task of moving their things high up the mountain, and to the small clearing at the entrance of the door. Eventually, the others did return, disappointed in having found nothing but pleasantly surprised to find that Bilbo had discovered its location in their absence. Thorin was particularly enthusiastic as he encouraged the others to double in their efforts as they would all soon be made worth a while.

When the sun had begun to set, all of the equipment - save for a few that would remain at the foot of the mountain with Bombur and ponies - had been brought to the clearing and all were gathered around the door as they witnessed the dying light of Durin's Day illuminate the secret entrance. Thorin slowly entered the key into the lock and quietly unlocked it just as the sun disappeared behind the horizon. There was only darkness when he pushed the door open. The only light after that point came from the corridor from which the light emitted by fire was amplified by the vast sea of gold that laid hidden in the heart of Erebor.

"Alright burglar," Thorin whispered with authority, "You were brought here for a reason. With your stealth, you will climb into the Dragon's den and report what you have seen. And to prove that you're telling the truth, you will bring back a golden treasure."

"I don't know Thorin..." Fili said nervously. "It's awfully dangerous, no one's ever surprised a Dragon before. Can't we find another way?"

"There is no other way." Thorin hissed, "I will not risk this quest for the life of a burglar."

There was a tense moment of silence. Thorin's sudden outrage had seemed so miss placed to all of them, including Bilbo who had thought he had finally befriended the King.

"His name..." Balin began, breaking the silence, "Is Bilbo."

"Regardless," Thorin dismissed, "He has been brought here to sneak into Erebor and provide us with intelligence on how to defeat Smaug. I will not revoke that purpose just because you've all made friendly with him."

"It's alright," Bilbo finally interjected, "It's my job, I signed a contract. I'll do it." He made way for the door and took a step into the hallway before turning back and looking at Thorin with hurt eyes, "I'll return soon." And with that, the door closed behind him and Bilbo was now alone, in Erebor, with a menacing Dragon lying at the end of his path.

He breathed in deeply as to steady his nerve before taking another step down the corridor. He was careful about remaining absolutely quiet and had forgotten about his ring until he got to the end of the hall. Gold as far as the eye could see shone brightly at the bottom of the room and illuminated the careful and gorgeous architecture of the lost kingdom. Bilbo could barely imagine how awesome it must have been when it was busting with life 60 years ago.

With the ring on his finger, rendering him invisible and the courage that came with that knowledge, Bilbo took a step down the large stair case that led to the treasure. And though he was incredibly vigilant, Bilbo could find no sight of Smaug or anything resembling a massive lizard anywhere in the room. Thus, when he arrived at the sea of treasure, he walked onto it with the resolve of at least locating the Dragon.

Keeping quiet was of the highest importance and though it was insanely difficult to balance his weight on an unsteady base, Bilbo somehow manage to cross into a different room without causing the slightest sound. Unfortunately, there was no sight of anything mildly similar to a Dragon in the room and Bilbo was about to leave when he faintly heard the sound of breathing. The sound was steady and consistent which hinted to Bilbo that, whatever was making it, was sleeping.

After mentally debating with himself if he should investigate the matter - because the chances of it being Smaug were incredibly slim - he decided to do so for whatever he was going to find might be of importance to defeating the fire-drake. However, once having found the source of the faint sound and having stumbled upon the most beautiful creature Bilbo had ever laid eyes on, all thoughts of Smaug escaped his mind.

A bare Elf laid comfortably asleep, partially buried in gold, his head resting on his own arm. His skin was pale but practically glowing like the treasure it slept on, adding an ethereal look to him which only endeared his beauty. His hair was short, curled and as black as an empty night sky, a rare characteristic amongst his kin. His facial features were perfect, and Bilbo particularly adored his high cheek bones. As for the rest of him, his arms were muscular just as his chest - though he wasn't muscular to the point of making him seem huge and bear-like like Beorn; he was just perfect and he seemed just as delicate as he was undoubtedly strong.

And Bilbo suddenly felt compelled to touch him. In that instant, he wanted nothing more than to graze his perfect black hair or caress his soft-looking cheek. He was enchanted but the Baggins within him interrupted his trance. _What impolite thoughts I'm having!_ He schooled himself, _This Elf is defenseless at the clutches of an evil Dragon and I'm thinking about_ touching _him?_ _Why I sound no better than a pervert!_

But Bilbo couldn't abandon the Elf. If he did, surely he would become the Dragon's next meal and knowing that he would have died when he could have been saved was guilt Bilbo preferred to live without. So he pulled off his ring and quietly approached the sleeping Elf. He knelt at his side and was just about to put his hand on his shoulder when he was suddenly startled awake.

"Shh! It's okay!" Bilbo hurriedly hushed, desperately gesturing the Elf to be quiet. "I'm here to save you!"

The Elf who's orange eyes held an air of wildness and aggressiveness suddenly softened curiously. "Save me?" He asked, his melodious voice sending a shiver down Bilbo's spine.

"Mm...well, I didn't actually come here to save you..." Bilbo admitted, finding himself unable to lie to the beautiful Elf, "But I can't just leave you to be eaten by a Dragon, now can I?"

The Elf cocked his head curiously, "What are you talking about?"

He was visibly confused and though Bilbo could have spoken to him endlessly if he meant to hear his gorgeous voice every once in a while, they were in a dangerous situation and he had to get him out of the mountain. "I'll explain later." Bilbo said. "First, we need to get you out of here. Where are your clothes?"

"Clothes?" The Elf repeated, "I don't have any. I don't need any."

Bilbo blushed, "W-well trust me when I tell you that you will." Bilbo stuttered, flustered, "winter's upon us outside."

"Winter?" The Elf pondered then mumbled to himself, "How long have I been sleeping this time?"

"Pardon?" Bilbo asked, having not heard the question.

The Elf turned his gaze to Bilbo and the emotion of perplexity only seemed to increase. "You..." he began in a hum, "I don't recall ever seeing a creature such as yourself in my life time. You intrigue me."

Bilbo's blush darkened and, for some reason, he felt his heart rate increase tenfold. "T-t-thank you." he stuttered again.

"What are you?" The Elf asked bluntly.

"Wha-oh right, sorry." Bilbo apologized, "I'm a Hobbit. We don't normally venture out of our home, or country for that matter, so it's quite normal for you to have not seen one until now."

"Come closer." The Elf commanded. "I wish to _discover_ you."

Bilbo shivered again, the sound of his words summoning shameful pictures in his mind that he found himself unable to resist for he did secretly desire them to become reality. Without thinking much of his actions, he crawled closer to the Elf and yelped when he was taken by the waist and pulled onto the former's lap. Bilbo couldn't help the crimson blush that seem to plague his entire body and he desperately hoped he would soon be released less the blood rushing through his veins betray the arousing thoughts he kept hidden in his head.

"Interesting," the Elf hummed. "You're clearly smaller than a Dwarf, but not by much, and would be mistaken for one of them if your scent wasn't different and if your ears weren't pointy."

His hands then lowered over Bilbo's body and began to caress him, beginning with the chest area. Bilbo yelped in surprise but proceeded to moan at the sensation. It was as though the Elf's touch was burning through his clothes, which was a very pleasurable sensation.

"You don't seem to be a female." He concluded after a moment, "But I can never be too sure…" he pulled on Bilbo's shirt, unbuttoning it and revealing his bare chest.

"I-if you have questions about my body…" Bilbo stuttered, embarrassed, "I can answer them myself…"

"I have no doubt," the Elf said, "But I'm more of the visual sort which means I have to see and be able to touch, if I so desire, to understand and remember."

And as soon as he said so, he touched Bilbo's chest directly and the latter couldn't resist a lustful moan from passing his lips. His skin burned wherever the Elf dragged his fingers and he craved more of his exciting touch…

 _But this isn't the time and place…_ Bilbo reminded himself as the contact was broken and the Elf began to analyse him with his curious eyes. _Smaug could be upon us at any time now…we need to leave._

"U-um…" Bilbo said, pulling the Elf out of his thoughts as he reluctantly pulled his shirt back over his shoulders and buttoned it, "We need to stop this and go…"

"Why?" The Elf asked, and the seriousness of his tone almost convinced Bilbo that he was entirely unaware of the impending danger.

"B-because there's a dragon that could surprise us and devour us at any time…" Bilbo whispered honestly, "Now we should leave before—"

"Nonsense," the Elf interrupted and pulled Bilbo's shirt off again, "I assure you, we are in no danger whatsoever or rather you aren't unless you displease me. Now I have yet to finish analyzing your anatomy and taking the notes necessary for future encounters with your kind."

"W-we can do it somewhere else, at some other time…" Bilbo insisted, "because now really isn't the time—"

But suddenly, he was thrown against the pile of gold and the Elf was above him, pinning his hands on both sides of his head. "You were much more cooperative before." The Elf noted. "I'm not sure why you're suddenly very insistent…but it's annoying me."

"We—"

"I will release you once I finish." The Elf stated, "Until then, don't annoy me with your protests."

Though he had been rather rude and had offended Bilbo, the latter forgot about it immediately as the Elf's burning hands caressed his body once more. He resumed fondling his chest, rubbing Bilbo's hardened nipple and earning a whimper in response.

"Your reactions suggest that your breast is very sensitive," the Elf noted, "But they are very different to that of a she-Elf or a woman's…"

"Th-at's because I'm male…" Bilbo repeated with another moan.

"I will deduce so for myself." The Elf said.

His hands lowered to Bilbo's stomach, he caressed his sides and stomach in a sensual manner that made the Hobbit quiver in delight.

"You're very thin." He said after a moment, "Have you not eaten properly in a while or is this natural for you?"

It took a moment for Bilbo to answer. He was lost in the burning feeling of the Elf's hands on his body and they were all that he could think about until he removed them. "O-oh…" he gasped, "U-um…no, I haven't eaten very well lately…"

"I see…" the Elf hummed and placed his hands back on Bilbo's belly. "I'd say you were rather plump before you left home…"

"Mmm…yes…" Bilbo moaned.

"Do your kind eat a lot?" the Elf asked, "Or are you just a glutton?"

"Nnn…no…" Bilbo responded absently, arching into the Elf's touch. "H-hobbits generally eat a lot…"

The Elf didn't respond or question any further after Bilbo's answer, but it wasn't as though he noticed for the delicious heat emitted from the other's hands fogged his mind with lust and pleasure. However, the Elf's touch suddenly lifted from Bilbo's skin and it took him a moment to realise that he had begun to undo his trousers.

"W-what are you doing!?" Bilbo yelped, stopping the Elf with shaking hands.

"I'm not done assessing you." The Elf replied innocently because he had no devious ideas in mind. "I want to see your reproductive organ and see if there are any other things peculiar about you… other than your hairy feet, of course."

"N-no!" Bilbo refused, though another part of him wondered why he didn't just accept. "T-this is humiliating…"

"But you seem to be enjoying yourself…" the Elf stated, "You were moaning."

"T-that hardly proves anything!" Bilbo said, blushing profoundly again.

"Perhaps…" the Elf agreed, but then he flicked the bulge in Bilbo's pants, "But your erection does."

"A-ah!" Bilbo moaned and immediately covered himself, wanting to die with shame, "I…" but he was at a loss of words.

The Elf stared at him quizzically as he shifted uncomfortably, and it was as he did so that an idea came to mind. A smile spread across his face and he leaned in closer to Bilbo who squeaked and tried to shrink back. "I know what you want…" the Elf whispered, his hot breathe tickling Bilbo's now sensitive ear and nearly causing him to moan, "And I'll give it to you _if_ you allow me to continue my _exploration_."

Bilbo unwillingly loosened beneath the Elf and wordlessly allowed his hands to roam his body anew. He closed his eyes as though it would help with the embarrassment; something the Elf couldn't help but label as adorable. And it was at that point that the Elf's heart began to beat a little faster, which made him realize that he desired Bilbo just as much.

"Open your eyes." He commanded and Bilbo obeyed immediately, "I want you to look at me."

Bilbo gulped and blushed darkly as he trained his eyes on the gorgeous figure above him. He nearly looked away when he felt his hand slip under his trousers while the other one pulled them off as to free his semi-hard on.

"Would you say you're of average size?" The Elf asked, ultimately breaking the mood.

"What…?" Bilbo asked, "What do you mean?"

"Your penis." The Elf specified.

"I-I don't know!" Bilbo babbled. "I've never compared!"

"I suppose I'll have to find out myself." The Elf concluded.

He began to pump Bilbo's member slowly, pulling moans and groans from his lips with every movement. Bilbo writhed beneath the Elf, arching into his touch again and moving with him as to increase the pleasure. He nearly felt as though as he was on fire and couldn't understand why he was having such an effect on him. He mused that it was perhaps because the thrill of risking incineration if they were found out increased the sensation because it might be the last thing he ever experienced.

 _What a unique way to go…_ He thought as his eyes focused on the Elf above him.

The looks in the Elf's eyes nearly did him in. The curious nature that had once inhabited him left to be replaced with want and hunger. He ate up the wanton sight of Bilbo and craved more as was evident by the increasing speed of every pump and the slight parting of his perfect lips. He soon began to breathe hard and, with a quick look down his body, Bilbo spotted his erection before concentrating on his face and the blissful feeling once more. And then, he bucked his hips and with a strangled moan bordering on a cry, he came in the Elf's hand.

"Would you be willing to return the favour…?" The Elf almost hesitantly asked.

Bilbo stared at him incredulously for a moment, partially not grasping the concept that someone so attractive would want him and not believing he was exchanging sexual favours at such a time. Nonetheless, the ethereal beauty of the Elf was overpowering and Bilbo's couldn't resist. He sat up, wanting to grasp his cock to return the favour but was stopped.

The Elf promptly turned him around and stuck his butt in the air, exposing his rear end, "In a different way, of course." The Elf purred, rubbing his cock between his cheeks.

It was a matter of seconds after that before Bilbo was just as hard as before. He nodded absently, peering behind him every now and then to see what the Elf was doing and observe his expression. The Elf spat on his fingers, lubricating them as best as he could before rubbing at Bilbo's entrance earning a whimper. He carefully inserted his first finger, attempting to control himself and not hurt Bilbo but the latter's lusty moan encouraged him to act more roughly.

He began thrusting rapidly in and out of Bilbo, faster with every beautiful sound passing his lips. And before long, he had inserted all three of his fingers, unable to take the time necessary to prepare him properly – though Bilbo didn't seem to be suffering. In fact, Bilbo was trapped in a suffocating sensation of pure bliss. The heat emitted from the Elf's fingers and hands was intoxicating and Bilbo felt as though he was going insane with pleasure. He was only being fingered at that point and he couldn't imagine the pleasure of actually being fucked.

His pleasure trip stopped abruptly when the Elf pulled out his fingers, causing Bilbo to whimper in disappointment but the shifting grip on his hips indicated him that he would soon be penetrated. He nearly lost it when he felt the tip of the Elf's cock probe his entrance almost teasingly. He couldn't bear to be toyed with now that he was incredibly horny.

"Please…" he begged, peering behind. "I can't wait…"

And the Elf found no strength within him to resist the Hobbit any longer. He jabbed forward, burying his member deep within Bilbo who cried out in a mix of pain but mostly pleasure. Bilbo clutched at the gold beneath him, trying to concentrate on the pleasurable sensation which wasn't particularly difficult as the pain quickly faded away. He then began thrusting his hips to beg the Elf to continue pummelling him for he was incapable of speaking under such extreme degree of bliss.

Bilbo moaned and whined to the heavens, clutching the gold harder as the Elf dug his nails into his skin and slammed into him with more strength every time. He couldn't even form a concrete thought and thus he couldn't worry about the Dragon he surely awoke with his loud cries.

"O-oh god!" He groaned as he felt himself near his climax. "I'm going to cum!"

"Say my name." The Elf groaned as he slammed into Bilbo with desperation. "You know it –ah! – so say it!"

" _Smaug_!" Bilbo moaned repeatedly, "Oh, Smaug! Yes! Yes! _Smaug_ —"

* * *

Bilbo wasn't quite sure what had happened. He emerged from the secret entrance, dazed, exhausted, and flaming hot. His clothes were partially burnt, blackened by intense heat of unknown source though the Dwarves seemed to be under the impression he had nearly been killed by Smaug. Though Bilbo tried to explain to them that he hadn't seen a Dragon in the mountain but rather a very attractive Elf, he was always interrupted and it was as though they simply didn't wish to know about what he had found.

"All that matters is that you're safe!" Bofur said.

"But I'd like to know how in the world you had time to grab that." Nori declared, pointing at the golden object in Bilbo's hand.

Bilbo looked down at the golden cup and tried to remember. The shameful memorises that then surfaced caused him to blush horribly and lose sense of words, leaving the Dwarves puzzled.

"I-I…I grabbed it on the way out." He said.

They didn't need to know the truth.


	2. And Into the Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This wasn't originally supposed to exist but what with** _Person_ **asking me to write it and my friend** _Danie_ **begging me to do the same, I decided to give it a shot xP**
> 
> **This was actually supposed to be an independent One-Shot but I felt it was better to include it with the other one as a second chapter of the sort because there are some things I don't explain that only people who read the first part would know xP**
> 
> **Anyways, ENJOY!**
> 
> * * *

Bilbo awoke with a shriek of surprise. He was supposed to be on guard duty, and it was a very important task at the moment considering he had just confronted Smaug (albeit wasn't what he expected) and had potentially angered him by accidentally leaving with a golden treasure he had clutched to during their... _confrontation_. And though he had expected that encounter to be the last time Smaug would ever show himself in such a form, there he was, inches away from Bilbo's face - still completely naked.

"Shh!" Smaug schooled, wearily looking around the sleeping pack of Dwarves, "You'll wake them!"

"What are you doing here?" Bilbo asked, his heart beating quickly and his face reddening as his eyes began to wander to less than appropriate places.

Bilbo gasped when Smaug quickly took his hands in his, bringing them to his lips and kissing their tips softly. "I love you." he declared in all seriousness.

Bilbo flushed darkly, "W-what?"

"I love you." Smaug declared with a twinkle in his eyes, "And I know that none of the gold in Erebor can ever fill the hole you'll leave behind if I let you go."

"W-what are you saying?" Bilbo stuttered, shocked. "How...? Why...?"

"I'm not sure." Smaug admitted, lowering his head a little as he pondered, "You've just been the only creature on my mind since our-"

"Yes!" Bilbo interrupted, blushing profoundly, "I remember what we did!"

"I didn't mean to burn you in the process." Smaug admitted with an honestly regretful look. "It just...happened..."

"Please stop talking." Bilbo begged, pulling his hands away from Smaug's as to cover his face in shame.

"Do you regret it?" Smaug asked, concerned by Bilbo's reactions. "Was I not good to you?"

"Wha— No, no, no!" Bilbo insisted quickly, "Of course you were good to me! It's just...this is very sudden and I thought you might want to kill for me accidentally taking that with me..."

Smaug barely glanced at the treasure, "Admittedly, I did want to devour you." Smaug said bluntly, but then he grinned, "And then I wanted to _devour_ you." Bilbo blushed horribly at the insinuation, "And I think I should!" He continued, "Stealing is illegal, hurtful, and wrong. You should be _taught a lesson_."

"That is incredibly ironic." Bilbo stated, ignoring the hinted desire.

"I'm a Dragon." Smaug reminded with a smile, "We aren't exactly given the same stature as Elves, Dwarves, Men, or Hobbits."

"You're a what?"

Bilbo and Smaug froze upon hearing Thorin's voice. The Dwarf walked to them with suspicion but mainly concern in regards of the naked Elf-man essentially hovering above Bilbo. The tension building between the two was rapidly escalating and Bilbo noticed a glow in Smaug's eyes knowing that the fire-drake within him was stirring.

"I-"

"He's delusional." Bilbo stated rapidly and sighed when the glow vanished. "It's natural isn't?"

"How so?" Thorin asked skeptically.

"Well he's been kept as Smaug's prisoner for quite some time now," Bilbo lied, nervously eying Smaug as to silently signal him to follow his lead. "But he hasn't been devoured. Being so close to danger and yet still alive will undoubtedly unnerve anyone and play with his or her sanity."

"You never mentioned Smaug kept a prisoner." Thorin stated.

"I-I was under shock..." Bilbo stated, "Which is only natural considering I did emerge from Erebor as a roasted Hobbit."

He then noticed Smaug's head lower apologetically and rolled his eyes at the adorable gesture.

"Of course...how inconsiderate of me..." Thorin said slowly, training his eyes on the naked Elf. "Why is he naked?"

"Clothes are annoying." Smaug stated, frowning.

"See?" Bilbo asked with a nervous smile, "Insane."

"Definitely." Thorin agreed. "I must admit, this is the first time I've seen an Elf so...unstable."

"Yes, well, death and all can change a man." Bilbo reminded quickly before Smaug could speak again.

"Right." Thorin concluded and turned his attention to the Elf, "Now, Elf, I reckon you find clothes to be bothersome but you will cover yourself. Not only is it indecent but you're more vulnerable completely unprotected. We don't have any shirts or trousers in your size so until we return to Laketown, you'll have to wear a blanket."

"And if I refuse?" Smaug defied.

"You'll die." Thorin said.

"But it's a good thing he won't refuse." Bilbo laughed nervously, "Because the question was only hypothetical, wasn't it?"

"Yes." Smaug gritted through his fangs.

"Good," Thorin said, "And one last thing."

"What?" Smaug hissed.

"What's your name?" Thorin asked.

Bilbo froze, wondering what Smaug would answer and hoping he wouldn't muck up his lies.

"S—"

" _Sherlock_!" Bilbo blurted out. And upon seeing Thorin's quizzical look, he lied again. "It was the only information I had gotten from him before Smaug attacked."

"Well, Sherlock," Thorin said, accepting the information, "here's a blanket." He grabbed a blanket which he tossed at the Elf.

" _Sherlock_?" Smaug whispered to Bilbo in discontent as Thorin began to explain how their actions would change what with the arrival of an unexpected addition. "That's a horrendous name!"

"It was the first name that came to mind!" Bilbo defended quietly, "It was better than delivering your _actual_ name!"

"I wasn't going to do that!" Smaug declared, "I was going to say Sebastian!"

"Oh...well it's too late now, isn't it _Sherlock_?" Bilbo grinned.

Eventually, a smile formed on Smaug's face, "I suppose so." He said and kissed him.

" _What_ are you two doing?" Thorin interrupted them, again.

Bilbo pulled away immediately, blushing horribly. He desperately tried to think up another lie when Smaug unfortunately spoke first. "It's how Elves greet Hobbits!" he declared, "They're our neighboring race, our cousins if you will, not that you would know, being a filthy Dwarf and all."

And as the evident rage arose within Thorin, Bilbo's heart plummeted to the depths of his chest. "You rotten Elf!" Thorin snapped angrily. "We've saved you from the hungry claws of a Dragon and you thank us with insults!?"

"Please, both of you, stop!" Bilbo interjected, "You'll wake the Dragon!"

Though they did stop arguing, Smaug having understood the silent message and Thorin being legitimately worried about awaking the fire-breathing beast, their tension prevailed. And even if Thorin had accepted Smaug as an Elf rather than the Dragon he was, Bilbo still had a long way to go explain the sudden disappearance of the fire-drake and convincing the rest of the company that it was now safe to return to Erebor and they wouldn't be attacked.

And finally, a month later, Bilbo was dismissed by his friends and given the equipment and ponies necessary to return home with his portion of the gold he was promised. Smaug obviously sulked at the small amount given and declared that Bilbo had undertaken the most dangerous task of them all and deserved a larger reward but the latter soon warned him that he wouldn't allow him to return to the Shire with him if he continued to whine greedily. Thus Smaug stopped speaking completely until they were miles away from Erebor and Laketown.

"You'll have to live without gold and greed." Bilbo warned. "The Shire is a lovely, quaint place and I will not tolerate you disrupting its peace by claiming more treasure and riches, understood?"

"Perfectly." Smaug smiled and pulled Bilbo from his pony and onto his horse as to snuggle him, "As long as I have you, I've no need for nothing else."


End file.
